"Dear CatLoverTolkenFanDolphinFreer,
My name is Stanley. I really connected with your profile. Being a marine biologist who minored in Tolken Lore, my best friend Fluffy (my rescue cat ;) ) and I have been raising awareness for the safety of dolphins for years. When I first found Fluffy outside my window stuck in a tree, crying in the rain, we both bonded immediately over the article I had left open on the table. Fluffy jumped onto it with her tiny adorable sopping wet paws and turned it to the next page. I knew she wanted me to read it to her, since of course she couldn't read, yet! ;) That was when we first found out about the cruelty of dolphins and both turned vegan.
As Fluffy always says, what would Gandolf do? We started a letter campaign of two which quickly turned into a much larger number thanks to my grad students and their insatiable appetite for righting the injustices of the world.
In equally sad news, on the lines of helpless dolphins being killed for the entertainment of humans, aren't humans the worst, I have to put Fluffy down. Fluffy being my main companion, best friend, snuggle monster, and stylist of 16 years. I am really down and do not know if I should be alone right now. Could you find it in your heart, and your schedule to meet with me in person? Maybe you could join my letter campaign to save the dolphins, and then help me give a proper goodbye to Fluffy.
Really hope to meet you.
Stanley"
Tamra reread the letter over and over again, obsessed with keeping Fluffy's story alive, if only for a few moments more. After replying of course, to Stanley's letter, Tamra ran out of her yoga class, having once again fell to the temptation of checking her phone between the chakra chants, shocked to see that finally after all this time she had actually received an email from the dating site. Could it be true. Could he really have understood her through her carefully calculated profile where she poured out her soul? Could he be the one? Mrs. Stanley, wait no that wouldn't be right. Who was this mysterious perfect specimen of a man. Showing up two hours earlier than Stanley had planned, she was surprised to see someone already in the spot he had chosen. Could it be him? He must be keeping on winter weight as a tennis pro cannot really play during the off months, I guess, she thought.... He must be from a remote part of Jamaica, as he looked rather pale to be from the island. Who cares, she thought, he was the only one who ever responded to her profile.
Clumsily she made her way over, having trouble controlling her bff Mr. Smittens, who loved being on a leash, if only to tangle it up on every single chair, leg, and pole that he could reach.
Mr. Smittens eventually made his way over to the spot that she was supposed to meet Mr. Wonderful. She helped Mr. Smittens by picking him up and forcefully, casually was the target, plopping him on the mystery man. My first test, she thought.
The man in the seat that was reserved for her mystery man shot up in shock screaming like a child and spilling his drink down both he and Mr. Smittens. Mr. Smittens was not a fan of black coffee, and Stanley said he was only a tea drinker....
"I am so sorry," Tamera said. Feeling flustered by having been mistaken by the wrong man. "No, no, it is okay. I am fine... Tamera?" Said the chubby white man with no accent at all.
"Yes," Tamera replied being completely in denial about the series of lies already found out. "Stanley? Your face..."
"Not as dark as you expected?" He said having photo shopped and cropped 50 cent into all of his photos.
"Not that, you are turning red and blotchy, and your eyes... are you allergic to cats?" She said.
"Nope not at all, it was this coffee, I had ordered a green tea," he said quite loudly to no one in particular. "I love cats. Come here cat." he said trying to pick up disgruntled Mr. Smittens.
"I think he likes you," Tamera believed. "I am so sorry to hear about Fluffy," she said crying.
"Who?" He said.
"Your cat and stylist?" She said.
"My what, yes, yes, that cat, of course, my cat. Oh," he groaned into his hands trying to muster up tears, biting the inside of his cheek until he really did tear up.
"Fluffy," he moaned.
Tamera put her hand on his shoulder while he took that as an invite to wrap his arms around her and put his head against her breasts to fake sob.
A teenage waiter walked over to the odd scene, "Your tuna sandwhich, sir."
Tamera cried out in shock, at both being hugged by this stranger, and that he would order the death of an innocent creature of this earth.
"This isn't mine! I ordered the mixed greens that were free range! FREE RANGE." He bellowed at this punk who was blowing up his spot. Who shows up two hours early to a cat funeral date? This chick really was desperate, he thought, his odds improving by the second.
"Let's get out of here." He said, as a regular here, this was an amatuer manuever for having picked a spot, but sometimes that cute waitress worked here and gave him free bread and maybe some day a little more.
"Can I meet her?" She said.
"Who?" He thought he was found out about the cute waitress.
"Fluffy?" She said.
"Oh right, my cat." He said.
"And Stylist," she said tears welling to the breaking point.
"NO." He said.
"But... shouldn't you be with him, in his last moments." She asked, confused by why Fluffy was alone at this very moment.
"It's too late," he said sobbing and coughing into his hands. He really needed to quit it with the ciggs, especially those half finished ones from the ground. He really could get sick from doing stuff like that. A half unfinished cigg was a gift, he thought smugly, knowing he couldn't possibly be sick from finishing someone else's ciggs. The chemicals in the cigg would definitely cancel out the germs...
Tamera just stared on in shock unsure of what to say or do. Losing a best friend, she couldnt even imagine the anguish he must be going through. He was so upset he was clearly having an internal struggle.
This is going better than I could have planned, he thought. "Maybe you can help me empty the apartment of everything that reminds me of Fluffy? If you wouldn't mind. I mean I know we only just met, but I feel like I know you already, you know. Like we are soul mates, best friends. You know?
He wasn't sure how he was going to get the cat into the building, after clearly knowing his building didn't allow any pets of any kind, or explain to Nanna why there was a lady over.
"Of course, Stanley." Tamera said crying and hugging Mr. Smittens to her.
Together they walked out of the diner and into the door located immediately next door and went up one flight to Nanna's apt.
"I just want you to know, that I am taking care of my sick Nanna, and that she gets confused very easily. She may not even remember Fluffy!" He said.
Tamera nodded in complete understanding. This angel of a man, saved dolphins, and took care of his poor sick grandmother. What a saint.
"Nanna," he said hoping that she was out with her knitting club.
"Yes Bennie," She said rounding the corner dressed in her rock climbing gear. Her face could not convey the shock enough of finding her good for nothing grandson with an actual woman. She thought, her ticker might actually kick it, if it wasn't for all of that hot yoga readying her for such an occasion.
"Dear are you lost?" She said to the mystery woman holding a cat on a leash. She could not possibly be here because of her schmuck flesh and blood. "Are you selling cookies or something? Let me get my purse so you can get out of here. You know they don't allow cats in the building. and Poor Bennie is terribly allergic anyway. He already looks like a tomato.
"Bennie dear go get your cream and I will put it on you before I go to Boulders and beat my time, and that stupid Esther's record." She said.
"Oh Nanna, you poor dear. You know you aren't supposed to go out by yourself." He said quite loudly.
"What are you talking about?" Nanna responded, while he ushered her into her bedroom, also the only bedroom as Bennie slept on the couch, and had for the past 30 years. "Where are you taking me, what are you doing?" Nanna said.
"There, there Nanna," He said shoving her in the room and jamming the door. "So sorry about that, she has these spells. Her nurse should be along soon. I think it would be best if you left, and I could take care of her until her nurse arrives. I am so sorry about that." He quickly saw there was no way he could get play with her now that Nanna was blocking his play. Besides, his allergies were really attacking him now, and if he didn't get that cream on him he would be miserable for the next week.
There was no way that this chick could be buying all of this anyway, not at this point. No one with a brain could believe any of this. He was so bad at this whole dating thing. He couldn't even produce a better version of himself in cyber space without reality crashing in on him immediately.
"I understand. Maybe you can do something another time, when you can get a break from this." She said gesturing to crazy Nanna's room. If Nanna lived here, she thought, where did Bennie sleep, since it was clearly a one bedroom. That is so nice of him, to give Nanna his bed, so that she would be safer, and able to be locked in, for her own good, she rationalized.
She could tell, he was the one.
