It was a crisp January 2nd morning, Newark
International Airport was buzzing as usual. The line for Hawaii Flight 8754 was
filled with cheery families, newlyweds, and business suits. The tri-state area
had just been hit by its 10th blizzard, the next blizzard was
supposed to start within the next four hours. Everyone was anxious to get up in
the air and in the clear before the storm canceled these flights, again.
Mary-Ann Schuster a business exec for big oil was supposed
to have taken this flight for work six times already. Six times it had been
canceled. Six times she had been stuck in the cheap hotel on the same lot as
the airport as the snow had made it impossible to go back to her one bedroom
high rise in Chelsea.
Mary-Ann hated to fly. She hated to have meetings with
greedy wealthier than 99% of the population CEO’s but it was her job. She was
good at it. She was the only one who could sweet talk her company’s numbers
into fairing the way her bosses wanted. Her bosses, also part of the 1%. She had landed in this job years ago
graduating from Harvard as a human rights and environmental activists majoring
in law and civil engineering. She was a rare breed. Mary-Ann went on to get her
law degree at Stanford, wanting to be closer to sites that she volunteer
canvassing saving the planet, the otters, the whales, the sea lion etc.
Somehow
one day she pushed her way into a media blitz live televised government
schmoozing event, which was supposed to speak about the new building that would
go underway, and instead became redirected by Mary-Ann to save the endangered blue
bonnet nesting pelican, she caught the eye of one Jason Braverman VP of big oil
who was there raising capital for a candidate his bosses were marketing for.
Jason saw the passion that Mary-Ann had over a weird looking bird and thought
what a waste of talent. Jason was a closer. It took him seven hours to close
her. She made him work for seven hours before accepting the job she already
decided she wanted the moment he offered it to her. Imagine the damage from
within she could do if she had access to all of the secrets of big oil.
Jason came running up in line to meet Mary-Ann of course he
was in his signature look of his ten thousand dollar dark grey suit with purple
accents. Mary-Ann being the secret activist that she was bought all of her
clothes from her friend who she went to law school with and decided to make
organic business clothes for a living. They clothing looked a little off and
was itchy but no slave labor was used in the making of it and no animals were
involved and so Mary-Ann wore it happily. She was used to ignoring the public’s
complaints and whispers. Mary-Ann was clearly surprised to see Jason and didn’t
know what to make of his appearing there. “I am coming with!” He said. And her
heart stopped.
Mary-Ann had planned on using this business trip to land in
Hawaii and then take off on a cruise ship under a false name to disappear into
the Alaskan wilderness. She had been planning this day forever. She had had to
postpone it forever blizzard that had prevented her from getting on this plane.
At first she thought it was an omen, and then she rallied realizing it is
global warming and that she would soon be making the difference she had led out
to do when she signed up with big oil. She had it all set for the moment that
cruise ship takes off a chain reaction would begin thus taking down big oil.
Why oh why was Jason Braverman here when she knew he hated business trips. He
was going to ruin everything. “Hello Jason.” She said doing her best Newman from
Seinfeld impersonation. It was this impersonation that struck at Jason in a way
he couldn’t figure out. It made him upset for her to think that he was the
enemy. He knew where she stood politically and environmentally. He had hoped
that she would revolutionize big oil and bring it into the future of
sustainability, after all oil was becoming more and more scarce. Jason was
forced into this job by his father and grandfather, six uncles, and four older
brothers. It was a family business. They were from Texas after all and
everything they did was big.
He went to Brown for undergrad for science, went to Stanford
for a Masters in science, then a masters in engineering, then a masters in sustainability.
He was still working on his PhD as his family got a bit irritated realizing
that Jason was not in fact getting the MBA he had said he was, twice. They didn’t
have any use for him getting science lessons. Jason so far was disappointed with
Mary-Ann. She had done every her bosses had asked of her. She never rocked the
boat, never suggested any alternatives. It was the weirdest thing about her
outside of her clothing choice and her decision to never wear make-up as it was
a horrific industry of abuse and planet destroying, not to mention taking away self-esteem.
She was very quiet around him all the time. Where had that
girl gone that he had seen protest with more passion than anyone he had ever
met? She fidgeted with her dura-suit which could be used as a sled or eaten if
needed, she explained once when they were stuck in an elevator and Jason was
caught staring at her. He didn’t care about the suit. “I moved us both up to
first class! You’d think there would be more security in allowing me to change
someone else’s ticket not even related to me.” Jason rambled when he was
nervous, and Mary-Ann was a great source
for that. This was going to be a long plane ride.
After hours of Mary-Ann trying to avoid eye contact for fear
of being caught, and Jason who then filled in the empty space where tension
existed by talking about anything he could think of. Mary-Ann finally excused
herself to go hide in the bathroom. How could she stick with her plan when
Jason just explained to her how he wanted her to change big oil by turning it
around from within? It shamed her to think that perhaps he was right and that
she had wasted all of this time when she could have been doing a direct route
of pushing for sustainable alternatives. It was big oil though; they would have
fired her had she brought it up. Wouldn’t they have? She doubted her plans more
and more, when the captain came on, “We are experiencing technical difficulties
and will be landing in TruthorConsequences, New Mexico. It shouldn’t be long
before we are back up in the air.”
Mary-Ann found her seat next to Jason who seemed to still be
talking without her. Landing for more than an hour would mean Mary-Ann would
not make the cruise, and then not be able to disappear as planned while her big
oil take down still happened. She couldn’t breathe. She in fact passed out.
“Mary-Ann, Mary-Ann can you hear me?” Her eyes had trouble
adjusting in the harsh sun light. “We are taking you to the hospital here. You
fainted and couldn’t be woken back up until now. And I tried everything.” He
said. Tried everything? What did that mean? Taking us to the hospital? Where
were we, had we made it to Hawaii? “The
plane, the plane,” she said. “No its okay they can’t get it to take off. Some
guy was hiding in the undercarriage of the plane. He had switched the fuel with
donut grease. Can you imagine? What a wacko.” Jason rambled. Mary-Ann was
reminded of someone she used to date, in fact her only long term boyfriend,
used to pull stunts like this all the way back in college. But no it couldn’t be.
The jacket of the two volunteer first aid squad members read
TruthorConsequences. She did not make it to Hawaii, she was in fact in hell,
she figured. At any minute she would be picked up by homeland security or worse
big oil and never seen again. While she was being lifted into the ambulance,
she was able to see the man Jason had mentioned being taken in handcuffs by
local authorities into a police car. He looked just like her ex Roger. She
could have sworn it was him. Wouldn’t that be ironic. It couldn’t be him. Last
time she heard Roger had disappeared into Malaysia after pulling an epic stunt
of setting off 400 Canadian geese at a big tobacco gala in Alabama.
“I am her fiancĂ©e, I will be riding with.” Did he just say
that? Jason was shoving himself into the tiny old ambulance with her. He even held
her hand to continue his lie. What drug was this guy on? He was out of his mind
Mary-Ann thought. He was also making it impossible for her to sneak away and
find her new ride to Alaska. She was holding on to her hopes of escaping into
the wilderness. Her new life was waiting for her.
Suddenly the ambulance was being redirected, driving
dangerously, but she could not overhear what was happening. Jason was getting
slammed against the ambulance walls and of course onto Mary-Ann finally
wrapping himself around her and the gurney she was strapped to as it was the
only thing he could anchor too. Get off of me she said but he couldn’t hear her
as she had said it through the smooched oxygen mask under his right peck. “Don’t
panic Mary-Ann I got you.” Jason said. At this point the oxygen from the small
tank was the only thing keeping her from being suffocated by unknowing Jason.
The ambulance screeched to a halt. And the back doors swung
open, as she heard the front doors open and the driver shriek. “Mary-Ann, don’t
panic.” A different voice said. It was in fact her crazy ex-boyfriend Roger. “I
did it Mary-Ann, just like I promised you. You said if I ever changed the
world, you would take me back.” Jason was still shielding Mary-Ann with his
body blocking Roger to take her in his arms as he planned. Three men in cat
burglar outfits vaguely reminiscent of Mary-Ann’s weird clothing entered the
small space to drag Jason away from Mary-Ann and pull Mary-Ann out via the
stretcher.
“I know it is a lot to take in, but we kind of don’t have
the time right now,” that sounded familiar to when she used to date Roger,
something made her more uneasy than usual. Quickly in the blazing heat of New
Mexico they were put into an unmarked black windowless van. “Roger, it feels like you are kidnapping us.”
Mary-Ann was finally able to free herself of the straps and crunch oxygen mask.
Roger was too busy speaking with the other, idiots, Mary-Ann decided to call
them.
“Roger, did you put donut grease in that airplane?” She
said.
Smiling like a jack’o’lantern in heat, Roger said, “Baby I
knew you’d understand.” Roger kissed her on the lips. And then got home made
pepper sprayed in the face. Which under the circumstances was understandable,
however in a small area like the back of a van more consideration should have
been taken. The homemade pepper spray hit the air and multiplied, stinging everyone’s
eyes and nostrils, and throats. “I remember that recipe, babe. It really is
just like old times,” Roger the idiot said. Moments later they pulled to a stop
and opened the doors of the van to get air. Little did Mary-Ann know Rogers plan
was just the beginning. Before them laid
miles of tent villages and the old wooden sign repainted Peace Farms and Higher
Education Village. Higher had a pot leaf as the space filler where the G should
be. This was an old commune. It was filled with hundreds of dirty looking
hippies.
“This is our new home, until we can make it safely out of
the country.” Roger the idiot declared, with the hopeful smile of one who doesn’t
realize he isn’t going to make the jump. “At least let Jason go, Roger, he has nothing
to do with me.” She said.
“I want to stay,” Jason said. Roger was already handing
Jason a pack, it had his name written on it in marker, Roger’s handwriting. And
then Roger handed Mary-Ann her pack.
“What the f is going on? Why do you have a pack for Jason,
how did you know I was going to be on that plane?” She said.
“Well Mary-Ann, Jason here paid for our little excursion.”
Roger said.
“Roger all that is in this bag is a bunch of stale
twizzlers, old hiking boots, an American flag bikini top, and peace sign
sunglasses.” She said.
“Babe, I know, it’s everything you left behind the day you
put our relationship on hold.” Roger the idiot said.
Instead of dealing with Roger and his crazy ass backwards
view on the world, Mary-Ann turned her anger onto Jason.
“What did I ever do to you, that you would do this to me? I
have always done all of the assignments you have given me in record time,
inflating all goals and tripling our intake.” She said.
“I didn’t hire you to do the job, I mean I did, but I expected
you to use your passion for saving the planet to change big oil. And so I figured
you like everyone before you just fell in love with all the money and spoils of
war. So I took it upon myself to snap you out of it, with a little help from
Robert.” He said.
“It’s Roger,” Roger the idiot said.
“If you really want, you can go back to your new reality,
but you have to give us one week to let us change your mind.” Jason said.
“Can anyone find me here?” She said.
“We are as off the grid you can get, while staying actually
on the grid. This old Christmas tree farm supports itself. We have new
identification for everyone here, and your old life cannot find you. If you so
choose. But if you want your old life, your old familiar comforts, once you
leave you never come back.”
In a way, despite Roger being the dumbest scientist she
knew, he kind of helped her escape, without having to go to Alaska and escape
solo into the wilderness.
One week turned into ten years.
Jason and Mary-Ann were
married by Roger who finally got over his love of Mary-Ann by finding comfort
in the lord… and booze. Big oil became obsolete thanks to Mary-Ann's plans, and was instead replaced by a bunch of mini
alternative energy companies that shared resources instead of monopolizing
earth’s bounty. That plane that landed in TruthorConsequences New Mexico never
did take off again, turns out donut grease it not a healthy alternative for
flying.
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