Great Samaritan

Dear Diary,

Day 1 of this captivity. What a waste, why didn't someone tell me sooner I needed to lose these schmucks and get on with a real life? Jerry and George deserve each other and I'm a failure by association, and Kramer... I don't know what he deserves, it might be this, but I shouldn't be around for this. Stuck in a jail cell with them because of some stupid new good samaritan law? I am a damn GREAT samaritan who made dumb choices by sticking around with Jerry and staying even after we broke up. If nothing else, maybe I'll have a ripe vault of material for the Pederman Catalog when this is all done, assuming he'd ever have me back. Still, aren't we all allowed a mistake in our lives? I mean, come on, David Puddy is still roaming Manhattan alive and free and painting his face for New Jersey Devils game, and that's the real crime here. Who can I talk to about that, anyway? Does the NYPD accept unsolicited letter of seeking employment?

God knows I have free time now, so I'm going to list all the people I would rather be stuck in a jail cell with for years instead of these three locos

-Mr. Pederman
-The rabbi in my apartment building
-Ned The Communist
-Joel Rifkin (the actual serial killer, not my ex)
-Simon the Pretentious Brit
-John F. Kennedy Jr (obviously)
-Roxy the Barking Dog
-Vegetable Lasagna from the Plane
-Vincent, of Vincent's Picks
-Frank Costanza

Oh Jesus, George has apparently been reading this since he can't find anything else to do with his useless life and saw I preferred his father over him. Now he's going on and on about how he's better than his father and listing out everything his father's ever done, and I'll give him one thing, he really is sullying that Costanza name, which is saying a lot cause that name has already been run through the mud and the sewers and dirty subways out to Queens and back.

Oh my God how do I get a transfer to Riker's Island?! I gotta go, I gotta so slap their faces and bang their heads together. Just another day in my life of bad choices.

Laney Benes